chemaccino good, but not good for you

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Comment-inspired Haiku

cherry-covered bee
cappuccinos are not safe
epi-pen cocktail?

Thursday, September 22, 2005
Jagged Little Avulsion
Last night Beau got a really cool Leatherman - a juice cs4. For those who don't know, a Leatherman is a more practical version of a Swiss Army Knife: it's for people who want to use a tool, rather than be a tool. Anyway, so I think they are cool, and I was all excited playing with it. Now these, THESE, are some serious scissors I said, and as I folded them back in, my middle finger got in the way.
Thus, the post title.
To add insult to injury (literally), we're out of my favorite brand of self-adhesive bandages, and I have to use crappy Band-Aids (tm).

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
11 Posts I've been meaning to write
If mice are going to infest every place I live, I'd like to get them sewing clothes for me
Why We Should Make the Wedding Programs Ourselves: A Persuasive Essay
Taradise: Sign of the Apocalypse?
It Would Be Easier to Have the Photographer Whiten My Teeth in the Photos
My Body, My Stress: The various recent physical manifestations of stress I've been experiencing
How my home internet has made me the rat with the random pellet
Proximity is the new Minesweeper
Is it a bad sign that the floor squeaks when I do yoga?
Shut Up, Stop Smoking, Put Down Your Coffee, and Drive.
Younger, Thinner, More Ambitious: the new associate and how she won over everyone with baked goods
Someone found this blog by searching for insects in cappuccino machines. Thanks for the new nightmare.

Thursday, September 08, 2005
Trucks and SUVs recalled for switch that could cause fires.(from CNN)
Umm, whose bright idea was that?
Cruise control: now with more fire-starting power!
Can you just imagine the engineer that has to be all Uh, my bad.
Thinking about that person makes me glad that my job mistakes are so insignificant. The last time I thought to myself My bad was yesterday, when I accidently sliced off a third of an invoice while opening the mail. This was solved with tape. And there were no fires.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
11 Remedies I have tried, and their effectiveness
Drinking water for a headache sometimes works.
Excederin is better than ibuprofen for a headache.
Benadryl anti-itch cream is the best for mosquito bites, and I should carry some in my purse whenever I plan to be outside, it is that good.
Caffeine for a headache only works some of the time, and never works when it's a headache from too much caffeine. I can never tell if it is.
Alcohol does not ever help a headache.
I think those zinc tablets work for cold symptoms, but that might be psychosomatic.
Drinking water does not help with general achiness.
Alcohol can help with general achiness and is most effective in beer form; wine is the least effective form.
For echinacea to, theoretically, work to prevent colds, you have to take it 3+ times every day whether you're sick or not and I have found that I can't be bothered.
Caffeine will not make an achiness go away, but it will help you get involved in something that will take your mind off it.
Gargling with warm salt water is just gross.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
how fat are you going to get?
Dear Armando Perman,
I don't know you, but I suppose you know me, because I get email from you periodically. Your most recent missive, referenced above, was a particularly disturbing one, as it was not immediately picked up by the Junk filter, and arrived at the end of a particularly hard day at work.
In conclusion, Mr. Perman, fuck you. Fuck you with a big rubber dick.